“For a long time, the fact that I was divorced was the most interesting thing about me. Now it’s not.” - Nora Ephron

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     High-conflict divorce happens when two people stay psychologically involved with each other even if one or both has married someone else and started a new family. Their inability to emotionally disengage and resolve conflict often leads to repeated litigation, custody battles, violation of court orders, and in intense cases even parental alienation.

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     High-conflict individuals aren’t bad people; they just have poor strategies for getting their needs met, which makes them really tough to deal with. They may be very insecure and have difficulty feeling that they’ve failed, so they look for targets to blame – generally their exes!

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     People with high conflict personalities may have trouble regulating their emotions, recognizing that other people are entitled to different points-of-view, and understanding that there’s usually more than one way to solve a problem. High-conflict individuals may suffer from mental illness, addiction, or have features of personality disorders. And, here’s the thing:

It takes only ONE high-conflict personality to create divorce drama.

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Dealing with a high conflict ex can result in anxiety, intense stress effects and even depression for the other parent!

 

     High-conflict exes tend to create chaos by threatening or instigating lawsuits, playing games with visitation and or/child support, bad-mouthing you to anyone who will listen, and making false allegations. They turn routine drop-offs into melodramatic events. They are particularly fond of sending hostile texts and emails to harass you!

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     Being on the receiving end of seemingly endless drama can become debilitating. If you’re dealing with a high-conflict ex, you may be experiencing:

•      Sleep disturbances

•      Depressed mood

•      Anxiety and panic attacks

•      Difficulty eating

•      Irritable outbursts

•      Decreased ability to focus at work or at home

•      Social withdrawal

       

     If you feel embarrassed by your situation, you may keep your feelings to yourself, which can make you even more depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and isolated. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can face. But you don’t need to face it alone.

Talking to a therapist who specializes in high-conflict divorce can help you feel better, more in control, and able to enjoy life again.

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You Need Strategies To Help You Manage Your High-Conflict Divorce

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     You need to accept that your ex will probably never “get over it” and that you will not be able to “consciously co-parent” together, no matter what other people tell you. It’s futile trying to “talk sense” into your ex, or expect that your ex will do the “right thing” for the sake of your children.

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     As your therapist, my job is to educate you about your situation and support you as you develop strategies to manage your high-conflict divorce. These strategies include:

•      Minimizing contact

•      Developing an effective communication style

•      Setting and maintaining boundaries

•      Parallel Parenting

•      Managing your own reactions

•      Finding ways to make your children feel secure

 

     You can’t change your ex, but you can improve the quality of your life by changing the way you react and relate to your ex – and I’m here to help you do that.

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Co-parenting Support 

     Parenting is the toughest job in the world. However, single parenting doesn’t have to be as hard as you think. Sometimes there’s a sense of relief that comes from relying on yourself, and from not trying to control your children's rules when they’re not in your physical custody.

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     Individual therapy or couples-counseling is offered to those parents willing to put the contentiousness behind them, and commit to co-parent their children in the best manner possible.Often working as a team with attorneys, the court, other therapists or just with you, I can help you improve communication as a co-parent, and possibly avoid the stress and expense of additional court proceedings.

     While every couple's situation is unique, and every court order is different, the primary goals regarding co-parenting—whether you participate in individual therapy—or come in as a couple, are to:

• Minimize unhealthy contact with your ex

• Establish firm boundaries around home, school, and communication

• Avoid feeling sorry for your child

• Vow to be calm, pleasant, and non-emotional

• Teach and model social and emotional intelligence

• Nurture your child’s unique qualities and independence and resilience  

• Refrain from criticizing your ex and his/her family, in front of your child

• Stick to your parenting plan, regardless of what your ex may, or may not be doing

 

     I have the utmost respect for adults who bravely endeavor therapy following divorce from a difficult or hostile ex. The work is hard and intense, no doubt. The good news is you and your children can thrive in the experienced and safe hands of a qualified psychotherapist. After 20 years of working in the court system, I believe I can be of value to you and your family.

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Forensic Interventions Include:

• Coparenting Counseling

• Parenting Coordination

• Child Centered Family Evaluations

• Coparenting Evaluations

• Parenting Capacity Evaluations

• Voice of the Child Report

 

     Before agreeing to participate in a court-involved service, it is important to understand that the conventions of privacy, confidentiality and privilege may be partially or completely suspended. You may be asked or required (or the court may order) that otherwise protected information be shared with the provider and potentially with others. Records of psychological services, medical treatment, academic achievement, occupational performance, and military or legal matters may be disclosed. The Service Agreement describing the proposed service will explain some of these limits. It will be important that you seek legal counsel and ask questions in advance so as to assure that you fully understand the process.

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Together we can give your children the opportunity to experience a healthy, happy future!

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Contact me now to learn more: donna.wilburn65@gmail.com

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